07 November 2007

An Open Letter to Keith Olberman

Rissa inspired me to write a letter to Keith Olberman. Here it is:

Dear Olberman (and his aides who read this):
I remember when you were on the "Big Show" with Dan Patrick. ESPN was
bad back then, but to your credit, it is worse now. Having watched your
show on MSNBC a few times, I would encourage you to use Prozac and
various other medicines available to our mentally challenged and/or
disturbed. In fact, the polls in NJ are still coming in, and depending
on the results, you and your co-horts may be able to vote in NJ soon,
regardless of your lack of brain capacity. Congrats. I would also like
to say "job well done" on the Sunday NFL game, you and NBC's commitment
to going green, which stopped short of doing anything that would
actually help the environment, like say, not using large aircraft to
transport your buddies around, or using vast amounts of electricity to
broadcast the game you were commenting on, made a big difference. Matt
Lauer's appearance was also great, in fact, no one has seen his breath
vapor since he has been in the arctic. Amazing. I mean, tonight, when
it was 34 degrees here in Pennsylvania, I was able to see my breath
vapor due to the cold weather. It's amazing that Matt's epic journey to
the arctic while destroying the ozone layer with his corporate jet and
his subsequent landing in the "arctic" didn't even register his dragon
breath in the conditions down there. Now, surely, bad timing isn't to
blame for your company's carbon inducing trip to the Arctic. I mean,
really, it's shocking...shocking....that I feel the cold winter more
here in PA than Lauer's "green screening" in the Arctic. Hey, it's
"green screening", I get it now. Anyway, I did see the ratings recently
Mr. Oblerman, and you are getting stomped like an ant at picnic by Bill
O'Reilly. I know that disheartens you, but cheer up. It's not all
bad. In fact, now that most of the public sees you for the barking
moonbat that you are, you've got comic gold oozing out of your uber
liberal pores, and that will help your ratings. After all, there's
nothing America loves more than a good train wreck. Just look at
Brittney Spears, your own show, and Hillary's campaign. Keep up to good
work Keith, you're as crazy as Ron Paul and his Tin Foil Hat crusaders.
Oh, and Congrats on not getting canceled as fast as Dan Patrick's show.


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