30 November 2007

450 Kegs Stolen from Guinness Brewery

How exactly one steals 450 kegs of beer is beyond me. How this guy was able to drive his truck into the Brewery and attach it to a trailer and then simply drive off with all those kegs is something that really needs to be addressed. Though the robber got off with 180 kegs of Black Wine, aka Guinness, and 90 kegs of Carlsberg, he also got stuck with 180 kegs of Budweiser, which in and of itself should be his punishment when he gets caught. Condemned to drink 180 kegs of Budweiser is a death sentence, at least on his stomach and taste buds, so the punishment would fit the crime. For future reference, for anyone out there who would like to buy me a keg, here are the three you can get me:
1. Guinness
2. Harp
3. Smithwick's
In fact, I would like to make a special appeal to the Guinness Brewery. I am of Irish descent and am extremely proud of my heritage (to which my friends and family will attest) and I absolutely love the brews that are produced in ancestral homeland and come from the Guinness family of beers. I humbly submit that by making this case more public by posting the details of reprehensible act on my blog, that I may officially endorse you in exchange for some of your frosty, tasty, beverages. I understand that I already do endorse your products and talk of them in the highest regards already so I may not have much leverage, but it can't hurt to ask right? Additionally, I would ask you, for the love of God, to kick Budweiser out of the plant, and if this was all an internal ploy to get rid of that God forsaken dirty river water out of the plant, then the people who loaded up that trailer dropped the ball by having Guinness inside the trailer, unless that was the payment for transporting the horrendous Budweiser chemical agent away from the rich, sweet brews of the Guinness plant.

-Caomhin

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